In my previous post, I explained the warning signs indicating too much stress and exhaustion. Plus, I shared the stressful season (extended full-time care for my dying mother with Alzheimer’s on top of our normally busy life and full-time ministry) that brought on my unexpected and urgent need for an immediate and unscheduled sabbatical. However, after hearing from readers who are not in a position to take a sabbatical in the foreseeable future, I felt prompted to write this pre-sabbatical retrospective post with some tips for coping with on-going and unrelieved stress.
When a sabbatical is NOT possible now
If you find you are over-stressed and exhausted but circumstances make it impossible to take extended time off for a sabbatical, it is even more important to be proactive about rest and self-care NOW. “Nobody else is responsible for your health. . . . replenish your energy . . . If you don’t . . . nobody will.” [1] Wise, preventative, and proactive SELF-CARE IS NOT SELFISH. If you crash and burn, you will be in no position to help your church, your family, or anyone else. As airline flight attendants say, “Always put on your own oxygen mask first.” You must take care of YOU to have any hope of helping others.
Don’t think of rest as a reward for getting things done.
Some seasons of life are extremely stressful with very little opportunity for a real break. For the year and a half we cared for my mother in our home, it was virtually impossible to take any significant time off. Someone had to be with Mom 24/7, but the demands and responsibilities of life, work, and ministry did not stop. During such seasons it is crucial to build sustainable habits and develop the best possible responsibility/rest rhythms. Your “to-do” list may be overwhelming with far more than you can get done. My daughter, Melody Belotte (speaker, writer, strategist and consultant at Melody Belotte Media), says “Stop treating rest as a REWARD for getting things done.” Instead, look at rest as the essential and necessary “FUEL for getting things done.” The following sections explain what I found helpful when extended time off was not possible.
“Lean in” and make daily personal time with God a meaningful priority.
It is impossible to imagine anyone with a more demanding and self-sacrificing life than Jesus. Everybody wanted a “piece” of Jesus’ time and life. However, Scripture tells us, “Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16 NIV). His promise, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28 NLT), is a conditional promise. It depends on being yoked to Him as a disciple and learning to follow His teaching and example. Therefore, if Jesus needed regular “alone time” with His Heavenly Father, it is even more important for me.
Don’t look at your daily time with God as another responsibility/obligation on your “to-do” list. See it as “life-giving relationship” time with your Heavenly Father and the friend who “sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24 NIV). I see my morning quiet time as a primary lifeline for my soul. In fact, this latest season of stress has drawn me closer to God. I find fresh strength, new perspective, and encouragement from the Lord almost every day. My personal practice is to read the Scripture, pray and worship along with some great worship music, listen for the voice of God, and journal my promptings and impressions (what I “hear” from the Holy Spirit).
Practice keeping a weekly Sabbath.
Due to weekend ministry responsibilities, ministers are often among the worst at taking a day off for real rest, refreshment, and time with the Lord. Keeping the Sabbath is extremely important. As one of the Ten Commandments, it is on our Heavenly Father’s “Top Ten List.” God knows we are not “built to run seven days a week, week after week. We break down. We end up running on empty physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual tanks.” [2] Therefore, I have come to view keeping the Sabbath as important as practicing the principle of tithing.
Don’t be legalistic about it. Your Sabbath doesn’t have to be Saturday or Sunday. Any day of the week is fine. However, it is crucial to set aside one day every week as “holy” (set apart or dedicated) for rest, doing what refreshes you, and to fellowship with God. Pastor Tom Lane has done the math. “If we practice a Sabbath day every week, we are taking a year off in bite-size increments every seven years.” [3] That’s the equivalent of a yearlong sabbatical of 364 days.
Take an occasional weekend off.
Don’t take an “all or nothing” approach. When you can’t take off all the time you NEED, be sure to take advantage of all the time you CAN. Be intentional. Think outside the box. Schedule a weekend guest speaker at your church. Our three married children were willing to help out by staying with my mom, as their work and family schedules allowed. Therefore, we were able to take a long weekend to attend Carolyn’s family reunion in Arkansas. It required a 2,000-mile round trip drive, so there was nothing in the way of physical rest. However, the break from responsibility and the synergy of being with the fun people in Carolyn’s family still made the trip refreshing.
Be creative and seize the opportunity for even shorter breaks.
If you can’t take weeks or days off, take advantage of even a few hours away from responsibility. Hire a baby sitter or ask for help from friends and family. A number of years ago, I took a course in grant writing. My big take-away from the class was this truth, “If you never ask, the answer is always ‘NO.’ However, if you do ask the answer might be ‘YES!’” Don’t assume others are not willing to help out. Our youngest daughter, Melody, was especially helpful and came over a number of Monday evenings to stay with my mom. That gave Carolyn and me a few hours off so we could go out to dinner for a brief “date night.” Although this did not afford any time for real rest, the break from responsibility was extremely helpful and a very welcome respite.
Talk to friends with whom you can “let your hair down.”
Isolation is dangerous, unhealthy, and destructive. It must be avoided at all cost. On some of our “date nights” we had dinner with trusted friends. It was fun and restorative to talk, laugh, and just be with good friends. During part of our time together, we waded into deep water talking about what’s going on in each other’s lives. It is healthy and biblical to “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 NLT). It helps to talk – even when there are no obvious solutions or possible answers. However, much of the time we found a degree of relief and experienced a healthy emotional release just by talking and laughing with trusted friends.
God will make a way.
In well over 40 years of marriage and ministry, we have always found God faithful. During this morning’s quiet time I listened to an “old” (1992) album of worship music by Don Moen. One of my favorite songs on the album echoes what one of my boyhood pastors used to often say in his sermons, “God will make a way where there seems to be no way.” I’m confident that God will also be faithful to you.
In the next installment: tips and advice on planning and preparing for a sabbatical.
Bibliography
Lane, Tom. Frequency: Tested and Approved: 21 Lessons for Life and Ministry. Gateway Press, Southlake, TX. 2020. Kindle edition.
Morris, Robert. Take the Day Off: Receiving God’s Gift of Rest. FaithWords Publishing, Nashville. 2019. Kindle edition.
Nieuwhof, Carey. Didn’t See It Coming: Overcoming the 7 Greatest Challenges That No One Expects and Everyone Experiences. WaterBrook, New York. 2018. Kindle edition.
Footnotes
[1] Nieuwhof, Carey. Didn’t See It Coming (p. 165). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle edition.
[2] Morris, Robert. Take the Day Off (p. 103). FaithWords. Kindle edition.
[3] Lane, Tom. Tested and Approved: 21 Lessons for Life and Ministry (p. 108). Gateway Press. Kindle edition.